1) It will not make me a nice cup of tea despite that powerful new A6 chip. Where’s the good in that then? Tch.
2) Apple will not release a Lightning to teasmaid/teasmaid to Lightning adapter.
3) It’s not made from the tears of unicorns and blessed by Gandalf the White.
(Throws down bowler hat and umbrella in disgust and walks off in a huff)